Posted by Tom Krengel
on 07/15/09
Don’t worry about the jargon: at least we all recognize it when we hear it. The really nasty language in business are normal words with abnormal meanings. Twelve which should set off your "uh-oh detector" include:
- Just
This is used to make a huge request or error seem trivial as in: “Could you just do this (500 page) document by Monday?”, a request best made late on a Friday afternoon.
- But
Remember, whatever is said before “but” is overriden, as in, “That was a great presentation, but…”, or “I would like to help, but…”
- From
Much loved by advertisers, as in “Fly to Rome from $100″ excluding $100 of taxes and other “optional” extras for a flight leaving at 4am, going to an airport about 100 miles away from Rome and the ticket has to be booked one year in advance.
- Might (and any other conditional verb)
Might is used to achieve two things: first it sets up a negotiating position as in, “I might be able to do that if…” Second, it lays the ground work for excusing failure later on: “I would have done it, if only….”
- Only
Closely related to “Just”, it is an attempt to make a big request or problem seem small. “It was only a small error….we only dropped one nuclear bomb …”
- Strategic
Important, with bells on. See Strategic Human Capital division, formerly known as the Personnel Department. Alternatively used to justfiy something which has no financial justification at all: “This strategic IT investment…..(which costs $100 million and has no identifiable payback at all) is essential to the survival of the business”
- Rightsize, downsize, best shore, offshore, outsource, optimise, redeploy, downshift, re-engineer
How many ways are there of avoiding saying straight up: we are going to lay off staff?
- Thank you
Normally “Thank you” is good, except when used by automated voices at call centres saying, “Thank you for calling, we value your call…(and we have so much contempt for our customers that we can not be bothered to answer your call promptly, so we will put you on hold until you give up and try to use our impenetrable and useless online help instead).”
- Interesting
Fear this word. When your lawyer uses it, you are doomed. When your doctor uses it, check your will is up to date. The recession is certainly interesting. A slightly less interesting time would be preferable.
- Opportunity
Because the word “problem” has been banned in business speak, all problems have become opportunities. This means many opportunities are problems. There is a limit to how many opportunities I can solve. Interesting and strategic opportunities really scare me.
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